Quixotic Neurotic

That Movie Book - Week Four

2012-01-30T14:49:00.000+11:00

This was another week where we weren't really in the movie watching mood, but made an effort anyway. I feel a bit bad because of the five films recommended we already owned two of them, and yet we didn't even watch both of them. It seems that we have a cycle of being really into movie weekends then just want to play computer games all weekend so we do a token effort, then back to "Hell Yeah Movies".

This Week's theme was "Don't Come Monday - the evilest workplaces ever committed to film". It seems that Marc Fennell was being a bit liberal with his suggestions this week; while he suggested some films based around an awful company and the people that work for it, he mostly suggested films where the evil corporations aren't the focus. It's as if he has watched the movies and made a side-note that it would be kinda shit to work for these people, and that is the basis for this week. I feel like I would have been more interested in this theme if it had been more consistent.

So, we spent Friday night watching Office Space. Peter works at a shitty company with strange co-workers, and none of them are appreciated. Life is pretty shit. He goes and gets hypnotherapy, decided not to care about work any more, gets a promotion, co-worker friends get fired, they decide to screw the company over. Also he gets Jennifer Aniston as a girlfriend in there somewhere.

I remember watching Office Space when I was a teenager and just not getting it at all. I didn't think it was funny; why would anyone think it was funny? It was just dumb. Now I figured I was too young so most of what was funny went over my head. I was right. This was definitely funnier now that I have actual experience in the workforce and am not an idealistic child. The characters were relatable (except for the ones who are intentionally unrelatable), and the storyline was just suitably silly and self aware that you can relax while watching the movie. You don't have to think too hard about it. After having a few jobs with shitty bosses this movie hit a little close to home, but still made me laugh; I think a lot of people have had the urge to just stop caring about their job and just go through the motions. Or tried to work out how to I will probably watch it again.

Unfortunately that was it on the movie-watching front. The other movies were Alien, Robocop, Wall-E and Syriana. We own Alien and downloaded Robocop (and are going to buy the Criterion version eventually), but just couldn't find the enthusiasm to watch them. I might watch them at some other time. I watched Alien for the first time a few years ago and wasn't overly impressed at the time. It could have been because I wasn't really in the mood to watch it in the first place, but it seemed like another one of those films that has been built up into this cult classic that I didn't see originally so it just isn't that impressive. Feel free to let me know I am wrong if you want.

I am excited about next week, because it is "Disney's Most Racist Characters". I've been looking forward to that since I first saw it.

Friday is for Photos - Instagram Edition

2012-01-27T19:33:00.000+11:00

I fully intended on going out and taking photos this week. Really I did. I even took my camera with me when Ben and I went out on Australia Day, but this week has been mostly rainy day, so I have spent it inside where it is dry. I did take photos with my phone though.

I'm thinking maybe I'll do the instagram photos weekly and fancier photos when there's a theme or an occasion that calls for it. I'm still working out what I'm doing with all this, but at least I have Mondays and Fridays sorted.

That Movie Book - Week Three

2012-01-23T12:30:00.000+11:00

Another week, another set of movies to watch. I think you're getting the idea by now. Once again Friday night was filled with socialising, but we managed to squeeze some movies in this weekend anyway. I can tell it's going to end up that we have the viewings spread out throughout the week rather than keeping them just for the weekend. At the moment we're too lazy to watch anything during the week, but maybe once we get to a theme where we want to watch all five films we'll have to spread them out. Don't want to get film fatigue.

Anyway. This week was "Movies Based on True Stories (that aren't really true)". This theme was interesting in that Marc Fennell didn't make the obvious choices of Blair Witch Project or those other films that are obvious but slipping my mind at this moment in time. He made some interesting decisions for this week.

We started off with Fargo. Down-and-out Jerry Lundergaard (William H Macy) hires two guys to kidnap his wife so he can trick his father-in-law out of some money for some reason. Pregnant Police Officer Marge Gunderson (Frances McDormand) gets involved when things start going wrong and the stupid kidnappers start shooting people and things escalate and more people get shot.

Neither of us had seen it before and had been meaning to, so it was pretty much a given that we would when we saw that it was one of the suggestions. It was definitely entertaining, I will give it that. Ben and I have been talking like Marge Gunderson ever since we watched it, and will probably buy a copy of it or at least watch it again. That being said, there were multiple times that I just turned to Ben and asked "what the hell is going on?" and the end I was so confused about what I had just watched. It wasn't that the plot was hard to follow, it was more the tone of it? It's hard to explain. It wasn't until he reminded me that the Coen Brothers did Old Country For No Men that I realised that this is their thing. Both of those movies really threw me and made me feel like I was missing some vital bit of information that would magically make it all make sense. I liked the movie, sure, but I don't understand why people fall over themselves to praise the Coen Brothers. Maybe the part of my brain that is supposed to appreciate them is the same part of my brain that is supposed to be able to solve physics games; It seems that everyone else can understand them so easily and I am left feeling frustrated and left out. Maybe if I watch it again I will understand it better. Maybe I'm not supposed to understand it at all. Either way I had a vague feeling of disappointment when the credits started rolling. I really wanted this movie to live up to the hype, and while it was pretty good, it wasn't what I was expecting so I felt a little let down.

The next movie was Good Morning Vietnam. We had both seen this one before, but figured a familiar movie would be a better way to finish movie night than another one we (or just I) hadn't seen before. Robin Williams is Adrian Cronauer, hilarious radio DJ in the Air Force brought to Vietnam to make the soldiers' lives better through his radio show. Or something like that. He befriends some Vietnamese local, gets a crush on a girl, gets caught in the atrocities of war.

I had seen this movie because my Dad liked that one scene where they play What a Wonderful World over things being blown up and people dying, so he made me watch it. All I could remember was that Robin Williams was in it and that scene. Even now all I can really remember of it is Robin Williams playing himself as if he was in the Vietnam War. I like to think that the film's message was supposed to be more "The Vietnam War was a terrible thing, war is bad" than "Lookit Robin Williams, isn't he wacky?", but the latter is what kinda came across more. It doesn't help that in all the movies I have seen of his he seems to play the same kind of wacky character who does funny voices (that are all the same across the various films) rather than the character he is supposed to be playing. He seemed to overpower anyone else in the story and every time there was a scene where he was on the radio it was really over the top and too much for me to process that it was just annoying noise. The story overall was moving and all that jazz, but could he just tone it down a bit please?

We realised when watching the credits that it was filmed entirely in Thailand and one of the main actors was Thai, not Vietnamese. So I guess that means a heap of extras were probably Thai also, but it makes me feel uncomfortable in a "well they all look the same so people won't notice" way. Which is fair enough, I didn't notice the difference, but I still feel like I was inadvertently racist.

On Sunday I figured I would watch one more film, and went with A Beautiful Mind, where Russell Crowe is a genius mathematician who is employed by the government to help with the Cold War but goes crazy.

This movie was so boring that I couldn't finish it. I tried, really I did, but after an hour of watching and still not caring about any of the characters I figured enough was enough. Also Ben told me it doesn't get any better, which was why I struggled through an hour in the first place. The story was bring, the characters were boring, the music was boring, even the action sequences bored me. The only thing of note was how terrible Russell Crowe's accent was. Even the trailer was bland and saccharine and terrible. I'm glad we didn't start the weekend with this one.

The other suggestions were Last King of Scotland (eh, not that interested in really) and Texas Chainsaw Massacre (No. No Thank You. No.)

Fridays Are For Photos

2012-01-20T14:36:00.001+11:00

I decided recently that I was going to get out of the house at least once a week, and take photos while I was at it. This is good on two levels because a) i'm getting exercise and not sitting in my pyjamas eating chocolate all day, and b) it will make me more comfortable taking photos in public and hopefully improve my photography skills as well. On Wednesday I had to go pick up a birthday present for Ben, so I figured I might as well take the camera along too. Since I quit my job in December I haven't been visiting Newtown as much as I used to, and things change so quickly there. Even Erskineville had changed since the last time I'd been there. I feel like the world is moving on without me and I am missing it all by sitting at home stagnating.

It took me a while to get into the photo-taking mood, and was a little discouraged when my old boss made fun of me for taking photos, so there are only two nice ones of Erskineville. I will try better next time, I promise. Later in the afternoon, Jeph Jacques was having a meet up while he was briefly in the country, so I figured I might as well try again. I feel weird taking photos of people, but I figured if the urge came over me my camera would be better than my phone. I ended up mostly taking photos of people I knew, but I am pretty happy with the results anyway.

The meetup was ridiculous. There were probably about 60-70 people there, if not more, and Jeph drew pictures for everyone who wanted them. I got there at 5pm and we didn't leave to get food until about 10pm. Half the photos I took were blurry from my hands shaking out of hunger. It was an awesome afternoon, I talked to some interesting people and had a chance to take photos of people without them caring. But by the end of the day I just wanted to come home and crash.

The next day was basically spent doing this:

I think cats have the right idea.

That Movie Book - Week Two

2012-01-16T12:32:00.000+11:00

This movie weekend wasn't as successful as the previous one, for a number of reasons, but I am going to write about it anyway. Look at this commitment, people.

Week Two was "We're Gonna Need A Bigger Sequel: a beginner's guide to shark movies". Ben and I aren't fans of shark movies so we weren't really feeling it this week. Add to that an actual social life and you end up with only one movie watched. That movie was, of course, Jaws.

Roy Scheider is Chief of Police on tourist Island and is also scared of the water. A lady and dude and a kid get eaten by a shark and his own son is almost eaten. He miraculously overcomes his fear and with the help of Shark Expert Dude and Piratey Shark Hunter Guy they go out and hunt down this nasty shark.

(not an official trailer, but all the ones I could find wouldn't let me embed it and this one was pretty good considering)

I have a number factual complaints about this film. In about the first two minutes I was already going "But a shark wouldn't do that at all!" I know that it is a movie and I should be suspending disbelief and all that, but seriously. A shark will not swim right up to near the surface to grab a person's leg and just waggle them around a bit. It will grab them and drag them down underwater. Also, if people were so scared about a shark attack but reeeeeally wanted to go into the water, why didn't they just stay in the shallow water where a shark literally couldn't get to? Why go "oh, there has been evidence that a shark has been around, and while one has been killed that doesn't mean it's fine. But I really want to go swimming, so let's go way out where something could swim up underneath me and kill me!" No. Wrong. Dumb. I'm not even getting into a shark following a boat that is filled with people repeatedly shooting at it. Also, how did the Chief of Police get over his fear of drowning so easily? I wish I could get over my fear of drowning by just getting on a boat in the middle of the ocean.

That being said, it was a good enough movie. The fashions dated it a little, and the shark did look pretty clunky and bad, but it wasn't as painful as Total Recall was. They did the best they could with the limitations of the time, and that is obvious. It was still kinda cheesy and not overly scary though; Ben jumped once which made me laugh at him being a scaredy cat, but in general you could kinda tell what was going to happen. I liked that there wasn't a completely happy ending, and that you didn't see the survivors reunited with their families and all this rubbish. The way it ended definitely suited the film. No way in hell am I going to watch the sequels, though. After it finished Ben and I had a talk about how film making has changed over the years. If Jaws had been made now there could have been a heap of explosions and everyone would have been gorgeous and the ending would probably have been really open ended to make sure there would be a sequel. The shark probably wouldn't have even died.

The other movies for this theme were Deep Blue Sea (which we were going to watch, but watched Doctor Who instead), Open Water (we didn't really want to watch a couple stuck in the middle of a shark feeding frenzy), Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus and Mega Shark Versus Crocosaurus (both which sounded hilariously terrible but would have been better suited for a group, not just the two of us). As someone who is pretty uncomfortable with the ocean and subsequent sea life, I am pretty proud that I actually watched any of the movies this week at all. Plus I can tick off another film off my list of movies I should have seen by now but hadn't.

Crochet

2012-01-12T18:28:00.000+11:00

My mother taught me to knit when I was 6 years old. I remember that first scarf I made, with all the different kinds of yarns, it getting wider and wider and wobblier as it went along. We were over in England for the year and I was pretty sick for part of that time, as well as still being quite young, so my memory of that time isn't great but I definitely remember that scarf. It has been lost over the years from multiple moves, but I don't know if I would have wanted to keep it anyway. I picked it up every now and then over the years, but didn't really move much further from scarves, other than three socks and two pairs of fingerless gloves. I was never that confident with it, so I never really felt comfortable trying more complex things.

I still loved looking at yarn though, and would always try and work out a way to justify buying some when I probably wasn't going to do anything with it. Late last year I did my regular visit to pine over the products and saw the crochet hooks and figured I might give it a go, grabbed a hook and a ball of Noro yarn. A few days later I had worked out the basic stitches and made two wobbly little squares. It was a revelation. With knitting I was constantly worrying about making mistakes or dropping stitches whenever I stopped paying attention. Because knitting takes so long to do anything, any mistakes means a lot to fix. Crochet seemed to come together quicker and the one loop means less risk of losing them all when putting the stuff in my bag.

I quickly moved on to granny sqaures and fell in love. They come together really quickly, are easy to fix if I make a mistake, and best of all keep my hands busy. I figured I would make a blanket out of them, as I always seem to get cold very easily, win-win!

I have 71 squares made up now, I just have to put a darker border around them all and connect them up. But until I can get the darker yarn I have been using up any scraps I have hanging about. That resulted in these two small balls.

Scout loves playing with them, so when I made the blue one I put a bell in it. I kinda want to make a heap of these just to throw around for Scout to chase. It's so cute! I have all these ideas for future projects and am super excited about making things, and I haven't really felt this excited in a while. I hope I keep it up.

That Movie Book - Week One

2012-01-10T12:52:00.000+11:00

Last weekend we were finally able to start with my latest book purchase, Marc Fennell's 'That Movie Book'. It's a guide to various movie themes or producers and the like, in a weekend-by-weekend format for a year. It starts with one on Friday, then if you liked that there are two more for Saturday and two more on Sunday if you really have no life. I bought the book in November last year but the first theme wasn't supposed to be until the new year, so I was suitably excited about finally getting around to this.

Week 1's theme was "Memory Loss? Memory Gained!: a guide to cinematic amnesia", in relation to New Year's Eve and celebrating enough to not remember what happened that night. I hadn't seen any of the films suggested, so I was excited to get this going.

First up was The Bourne Identity. Matt Damon is found in the middle of the ocean with amnesia and spends the rest of the movie trying to work out who he is while killing people a mysterious government agency has sent to try and kill him. Also there is a lady who helps out and he gives her a strange haircut.

It was actually not that bad! It was not something I would have sought out, but it was entertaining in that slightly mindless way. The action scenes were actiony and didn't seem overly choreographed, which can be a problem sometimes. It actually looked somewhat reminiscent to real fighting compared to some other action movies. That being said I probably won't go and watch the others in the trilogy. Bourne Identity resolves itself quite nicely, so I feel like if I watch the others the whole time I will just be feeling like I would have been better off just not bothering.

Then we moved on to A Scanner Darkly. It was supposed to be watched on Saturday, but what can I say, we're eager. Keanu Reeves is an undercover cop trying to catch out a drug dealer, and follows the dealer's life. But, SPOILER ALERT (not really), he is also the drug dealer. The drug he takes has messed up his brain and creates this weird disassociation so he doesn't realise he is both people. Then his brain crumbles into bits and he is institutionalised. Cheery stuff right there.

This movie left me really confused. It's based on a Philip K Dick novel, and what I have experienced of his stuff normally makes me go "What the hell just happened?" at the end of it. This movie is no exception. Also we went from easy-to-digest action flick to weird commentary on drug addicts and the people the people who want to encourage/stop them, which probably didn't help either. I think the main thing that troubled me about the movie was the kind of half-animation that was used. I know it was a very deliberate stylistic choice, but I kept getting distracted by it more than anything and wished it had gone one way or another rather than settling with the strange middle ground. The acting was good, I will admit that much. Is that like saying that Keanu Reeves sure can act like someone on drugs? Anyway. I haven't read the book this was based on, but Ben has, so he explained to me how the storyline had been changed and made less open ended, which I can understand why they did so. At the end I still felt a bit disappointed because I couldn't actually work out what I just watched. All in all not the best thing to watch just before bedtime.

On Saturday we watched another film based on Philip K Dick's writing, Total Recall. It's the future, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is a construction worker who dreams about being on Mars and tries to get a simulated trip to there. This sets off a series of events which results in him actually going to Mars to try help insurgents and save the planet from its evil dictatory person.

This movie was ridiculous. There were obvious similarities between this and The Bourne Identity (no memory of previous life; actually was a secret agent; people suddenly trying to kill him constantly; something something governmenty people aren't very nice?) but, uh I guess there are probably a fair few of those kind of movies around. My major issue is that this movie hasn't aged well at all. It is very late 80's looking, the effects are clunky and dear god why Arnold Schwarzenegger. This movie would have been so much better if they chose an actual actor who could actually act. Everything else would have been less irritating if I wasn't cringing at Arnie's terrible acting every few seconds. In writing this I have found out there's going to be a new version of this at some point this year. I'm not sure if it's going to be an better, but at least it will look nicer than the one I watched. Ben doesn't think there should be a remake, but hey, whatever man.

The other two movies for this week were Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Machinist, but we didn't get around to watching those. Eternal Sunshine is pretty damn depressing and The Machinist sounds pretty weird as well so we decided two nights of movies was enough. I kinda want to watch them to round it off but I am a bit too lazy to. The movie night deal was fun and Friday night is already Pizza Night, so hopefully we keep this up.

Week One of Movie Night: Success!

The Avengers

2012-01-08T20:08:00.000+11:00

I don't read comic books. Sometimes I want to, but it seems like there are so many, I don't know where to start. Plus I keep seeing images like this, which just makes everything so overly complicated.

It is terrifying! I have talked to my comic booky friends and gotten some suggestions of a good place to start, so I might get onto that at some point, but at the moment all I have experienced are the movies. I am suitably REALLY EXCITED about the Avengers movie coming out this year. You might even say I have gotten a little bit obsessed with it. It started with watching the trailer and squealing over it. Then I found an Avengers tumblr through another person a follow, and looked at all 220 pages of it. That night I had a dream that Wolverine was at my house in motorcyle leathers. Wolverine isn't in the Avengers (well technically he is, according to my friend) but it was enough of a connection for my brain. I woke up that morning feeling a bit silly but figured that would be the end of it.

A few days later I went and partook in an Avengers Character movie marathon. It was a lovely day, but 10 hours of movie watching is a fair amount of time. You don't realise how tiring you get watching movies until you do it for almost 10 hours straight. It's intense. I had been meaning to watch the Hulk movie (even though the actor has changed) and I enjoyed all the other movies when I saw them originally, so it was a good day. Soon after that I had a dream that Chris Hemsworth (Thor) and I were hanging out at a pub. It was strange because he is about a foot taller than me and massive, while I am a tiny lady. I woke up that time getting a bit uncomfortable that it happened again. This didn't stop me from looking at Avengers stuff online more, though.

Then the night before last I had a dream with Robert Downey Jr in it. I had watched A Scanner Darkly right before going to bed and I recognised him in the dream but don't know what he was doing in there, but he was definitely in it. It's getting a bit ridiculous now. While I don't mind this happening I would prefer it if my brain would space these things out, so I feel less like a perv. But to be fair, what am I supposed to do when the main actors look like this:

I mean, come on.

2012

2012-01-02T15:27:00.000+11:00

Well I am in my second day of 2012 and so far the weather has been gorgeous. It's making me want to actually leave the house, but at the same time I know that if I do go outside I will end up complaining about how hot and bright it is anyway. Best to stay inside

New Year Resolutions aren't a big thing for me; I feel like if I make really specific ones (go to the gym three times a week, go for a walk every weekend) then it is just setting myself up for failure, which then makes me feel bad about myself because I couldn't even bother to do things I should be. So I have my "Resolutions" which are things I really want to happen this year, then "General Aims" for the year that it would be good to do but if I am not as successful with those it's not the end of the world. Those ones I have more mental leeway on.

Resolutions:

1. Talk to someone about my anxiety - It is getting ridiculous and almost to the point that I can't just pretend everything is ok.
2. Get back to saving money - Not having to worry so much about money all the time is nice. I miss having savings.
3. Get more tattoos/piercings - I know what I want to get, and I don't want to second guess myself like I did with my previous tattoo. I am not going to take 5 years to get this one. Piercings might happen first, because they are easier, but I still want both to happen this year.
4. Go on a holiday - Even if it's just to Melbourne for a weekend or something more fun like going overseas to Japan or America. I haven't really had a proper holiday in a fair while, it would be nice to do something like that.

General Aims:

1. Ride my bike more - I have been coming up with excuses not to do this, but if I want to go overseas I will need to be fitter than I am now so I have to get on to that. Will try and go for a ride at least once a week.
2. Update this place regularly - Again, at least once a week. If I have more to say in the week then there will be more updates, but even if it just is a post on Sunday of the photos I have taken throughout the week then that is enough.
3. Try to cut back on the amount of stuff I own - There always seems to be a point where I look at the stuff I own and there is just a lot of things that I don't actually use any more. I need to have regular clean outs where I take clothes and other things to charity stores and try to be less of a hoader. I'll probably move house at some point this year and would like it to be less of an ordeal.
4. Get serious about going back to uni or not - I miss learning things, so I either have to commit to doing uni again (probably part time, by correspondence) or doing some sort of class. Maybe relearn Japanese in preparation of going over there?
5. Get out of the house more - Even if it's just going to a local park to have a picnic on the weekend, I just feel like I always end up sitting around the house that even thinking about going outside feels like too much of a hassle.

Basically everything I want to do is reliant on money, so the first thing I have to do before anything else this year is get a job. After that my year should be much easier, comparatively. If you have read all this then good work! Have a photo of a cat as a reward.

2011 Overview

2011-12-31T15:45:00.000+11:00

So 2011 is over (or at least will be over quite soon). I am kinda glad. A fair few people I know feel like 2011 was a shit of a year and are looking forward to 2012 simply because it's not 2011. I feel like the whole '2012 is going to be the end of the world' rubbish is a good excuse to do things I have been putting off for a while. I don't think the world is going to end in December, but I would like to feel like I have accomplished something this year anyway. Just in case. Before all that I guess I should sum up the positives and negatives of 2011.

+

Didn't die
Got the tattoo I have wanted for about 6 years
Kept my job and got a quasi-promotion
Decided cider is delicious
Started dressing more nicely
Celebrated 4 years being with Ben
Moved into a cute little house with some friends
Got a cat!
Finished paying off the money I borrowed off Mum
Taught myself to crochet and started making a blanket

-

Still have anxiety (and I suspect it's gotten worse)
Still have this cough that won't go away and the specialist I saw was useless
Family issues keep popping up
My cat got very sick just after we got her (but is better now)
My job got really stressful and I ended up being overworked for not much money
Had some scary relationship talks that ended in lots of tears
Quit my job without something to go to and subsequently have used up almost all my savings and credit card already

So I guess the year was ultimately a good one, I mean there's more on the positives list than the negatives, but most of the negatives happened fairly recently so it feels like the year has been shithouse. I'll make another post with my resolutions and general aims for 2012, but that will probably be tomorrow and not when I am about to get ready to go do NYE stuff.

Boxxy

2011-12-28T13:20:00.001+11:00

Living with a computery person has some perks. He's always upgrading his computers, which means I get all his "old" computer bits which are still better than what I had. If I ever have any issue then I know he will be able to fix it. I have even started learning a few things from him talking about computer stuff all the time! This proves I listen to him when he talks, doesn't it?

At the moment I am using my tiny little computer, Boxxy. When I first got her I was amazed at how small she was. Here she is:

See? Tiny! She's been my box for almost a year now, so I have grown attached to her a bit. We tried to change her insides to a different case, but it mysteriously wouldn't work so we chucked everything back. Except now she has some sort of ghost inside her making my life difficult. Sometimes she doesn't turn on properly, other times my second HDD stops registering as there so I have to fiddle with cords. For a while I had to leave her on top of my desk because if I put her under the desk and turned her off she wouldn't turn back on. In all of this we had to reformat her and reinstall everything from a backup, which meant I lost a few things. One of which was photoshop. Oh how I have missed photoshop. I had a different photo editing thing I have been using in the interim but it's just not the same. So we finally reinstalled that shit last night and I drew a picture to celebrate.

It is me doing the "hurray I have photoshop!" dance. It's been so long since I've used my tablet that I have forgotten how to do a lot of stuff, but hopefully I will get back into the habit of using it again.

Christmas

2011-12-26T11:29:00.000+11:00

Now that Christmas has been and gone for me, I can claim that it was at least a moderate success. I have been seeing all these posts on other blogs about their decorations, which makes me feel a bit bad about my minimalist (read: lazy) effort. Ally hung some candy canes on the wall behind the tv:

And I made some crochet flowery things that looked vaguely snowflakey:

But that was about it. I'm not a huge Christmas fan anyway, so the fact we had any decorations was novelty enough. We had nibbles and dips to start with, bought ham and chicken and turkey and prawns, made a garden salad and a potato salad (which was so amazingly delicious but also a fair amount of effort) and had nice sourdough bread from the local fancy bakery. Our fridge is struggling with the amount of food we were able to stuff in there. We realised this morning that our cranberry sauce was mouldy, so I went on a quick hunt for some but couldn't find any. Turkey and cranberry sauce is one of my favourite things to eat, so I was a bit bummed about that.

Both of our families turned up at the same time, which was a nice coincidence, and mum insisted on my opening one of her presents before anything else. Mum is really into Christmas, so it was a lesson in self control that she held out until she did. The flurry of present opening was fun.Our small pile of gifts looked a bit sad compared to the bags of gifts from our families:

After presents was more eating and subsequent resting. I was going to make some sort of trifle for desserts, but in the end we decided that fruit salad was easier and just as delicious. Ben and I both cut ourselves cutting fruit, but that was the only casualties, so all in all it went ok! Everyone got along well, the food was all delicious, presents were enjoyed. We got so many big fluffy towels from Ben's parents and we have no room to store them, but they are so soft and cuddly! We'll find room somewhere.

The cats hid outside when people were around, which is not surprising, but Scout re-emerged once my family left and discovered the fancy ribbon on a present box and went to town.

So all in all it was a good day. Now I have the post-Christmas blues, but that could also just be realising how much cleaning we still have to do.

Lazy Tuesday

2011-12-20T13:29:00.002+11:00

My family and Ben's parents are coming to our place for Christmas, so I had planned to do a heap of housework today seeing that I still have to work out what food we need to buy and finish wrapping presents and it is in 5 days. Our office is pretty messy but we can't just close the door on it because it is home for Scout's food and litter, so we need to at least tidy up the containers of computer bits and cables that are everywhere. I can't really do much with that though, because I don't actually know what most of the stuff we have is used for.

But it has been a dreary miserable day and I've had a kinda rough weekend, so I'm watching British tv shows on youtube and drinking tea instead. The cats seem to agree that today is for relaxation.

I'll do it all tomorrow.

Scout

2011-12-16T19:42:00.004+11:00

I've been meaning to start this place up again, so I figured what better way to do it that to talk about my cat. This will be a good re-introduction to the blog, as I'll probably talk about her a lot anyway.

Ok, so, This is Scout.

Isn't she cute? I had been asking my boyfriend, Ben, if we could get a cat since we moved in together. We both had owned cats in the past but we were living in pretty small apartments at the time, so it never seemed to eventuate. Then we moved into a house with a mutual friend, who already had a cat. Specifically this cat, Tiger:

For a while Ben thought that having Tiger around would get me to stop going on about getting a cat of our own, but it just made me want one even more. Then something changed Ben's mind and he agreed! We went to the Cat Protection Society a week later and got our kitten. She was really shy at the shelter, so I was worried she wouldn't be happy at home, or that Tiger would beat her up. Luckily as soon as we got her home and let her out of the carrier she perked right up and proceeded to try and explore every part of our bedroom, climbing over us and getting pats in the process. We'd planned to keep her in our room for a while and introduce the cats to each other slowly, but there was a slight hiccough in our plans. The Shelter had just had an outbreak of cat flu, and three days after adopting her, Scout could barely breathe. Some panicked vet appointments and $900 later she was being treated for a bacterial infection and being monitored constantly.

Poor thing, they said it was lucky we didn't wait any longer than we did, otherwise she might not have made it. Then we had to keep her quarantined in our room so that Tiger didn't get sick, and also give her antibiotics twice a day, but after a week she was so full of beans you couldn't keep her from running out of the room whenever you opened the door.

Now she's just my whingey little shit of a cat. She meows constantly and is always hungry and likes to launch herself off you while you're trying to hold her and still tries to play with Tiger even though Tiger doesn't want anything to do with her. Just recently though, we let her outside and Tiger watched over Scout very carefully as she freaked out over the big wide world. I think secretly Tiger likes Scout, but you'll never get her to admit it.

Tiger is the pretty cat of the household, and Scout is the doofus cat. But I wouldn't want it any other way.

Vinegar, Glass, Waiting.

2009-07-04T20:40:00.004+10:00

It was Friday night and the bar was busy; the DJ was playing old pop songs, with the lights changing colour in time. The drinks were cheap that night, as they were every Friday night, so people were out in the hopes that they wouldn’t be going home alone. The smell of desperation accumulated in the dark corners and people seemed to clump together, not wanting to risk being by themselves.

She sat at the small table, leaning on it carefully so that the uneven legs didn’t make it lurch and spill drinks everywhere. She played with her drink, stirring it with her straw, making the ice clink against the sides of the glass; the bubblegum of Madonna’s voice blaring from the speakers drowned the sound out, even if she wanted to hear it. She gave herself a mental once-over while pretending to listen to her friend’s incessant prattling. She couldn’t be bothered telling the girl that no one cared about her failed love life.

She went through the checklist in her head, working from the top down. Hair? Suitably tousled; half an hour had been spent making it look like she had just gotten out of bed. Eyes? Dark, smoky and (hopefully) mysterious; bedroom eyes to go with her bedhead hair. Shirt? Showing just the right amount of cleavage; don’t want to show too much, just give a hint of what is there. Skirt? Made her legs go on forever, leading up to her perfect arse. All afternoon had been put into making her look this way, so she had better get some results.

There was a time where she would go out in her every-day clothes, throwing something on before walking out the door, not paying attention to what it was. Her mother would always say “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, Erika” when she would lament about being lonely. Erika’s mother always looked immaculate, and was never lonely, even if sometimes it wasn’t her husband keeping her company. The honey worked in her case, so Erika decided to give it a go.

So there she was, dressed to the nines, in a slightly seedy bar, sitting with people she didn’t overly like, trying to catch the eye of someone, anyone across the room. She wiped the condensation off her glass and licked her finger. The girl next to her droned on, ‘Time After Time’ drowned her out, and Erika continued to wait, staring at the people dancing in front of her wistfully.

the unbearable lightness of saturdays

2009-03-24T22:23:00.001+11:00

Saturday morning, trying to sleep in. The light sneaks its way through the gaps in the blinds and pokes my closed eyelids, urging me to pay attention. The day has begun, and I am missing out on all there is to do. Resigned, I peer slowly through my lashes out the window, smiling tiredly at the cheerful clear sky peering over the buildings. The room is quiet, only the sound of the man sleeping next to me. For once even the neighbours are silent; it must be earlier that I thought.

I take a look at the body laying beside me, noting how soft he looks when he is asleep. The worry has gone for the moment, and I am glad of that; he always seems to be thinking in three directions at once, trying to keep up with the world when he is awake. I lay back and relax, looking out the window once more and breathe in time with his sleepy breaths. It feels like we are alone in the world here, and that is an oddly comforting feeling.

A plane flies overhead and brings me crashing back to reality as I wait nervously to make sure it doesn't fall out of the sky. With a small sigh I roll over, away from him, and try to sleep again. The sun touches my face and I know sleep won't return.

Sketch

2009-01-25T12:06:00.003+11:00

I have a new drawing program to try out, and while it took a little bit to stop trying to use it like photoshop, I like how it works. It will be good for speedpainting, I think.

This is my first experiment with it and I am pleased with what I did, even if it's not that amazing.

Apology

2009-01-15T23:23:00.003+11:00

I know I have been neglecting this place (but to be fair I haven't been writing much lately), so I am going to remedy this by putting my drawings up on here as well, so it might encourage me to both draw and write. So, here is a picture of Pea for you:

(oh no, she has no legs!)

Escapism

2009-01-15T23:17:00.001+11:00

I watched intently as she sat across from me, looking past me with bright eyes and gesturing excitedly; painting her dreams in the air, talking more to herself than to me. I tried to imagine what she was explaining, but what were bright, vibrant pictures to her were muddy and dull. The hazy scenes in my head didn't incite the same feelings of grandeur, but I didn't mention it to her. I never remembered my dreams, so living vicariously through someone else, even if they were pale imitations of the real thing, was better than nothing.

I wonder where all these dreams come from in that brain of hers; the fantastic images of other worlds or psychopaths torturing innocent people seem so out of place coming out of her mouth. Yet every morning when she mumbles out what she saw, starting half asleep and waking up more as the anecdote continues, it seems like such a natural situation for her to be talking about. It makes me look forward to waking up, even if I can't properly appreciate what she is trying to say.

Little Red

2008-10-21T19:44:00.001+11:00

‘Rehabilitated’, they said. ‘Fit to return to society’. They packed her up, slapped a pot plant in her arms and kicked her out; leaving her to make her own way in the world. Too bad she didn’t know how the world worked any more.

She watered that ugly plant and looked around her apartment, making sure it was tidy. That woman was due any moment to make sure she was eating and washing (she was) and to see if there anything she wanted to talk about (there wasn’t).

Jeremy’s card on the bookshelf caught her attention. ‘Good on you, Red!’ it declared cheerfully in shaky writing. She ran her fingers through her short hair, making the ginger curls stick out even more haphazardly. It was an odd feeling, having hair; on more than one occasion she had thought about taking clippers to it, like they did, but that wouldn’t be a good indication of her ‘dealing’. The woman would click her tongue and write a comment in her notebook. Sure, normal people can shave their heads whenever they want, but we can’t let the nutters cut their hair, oh no!

She glared at the stupid plant as there was a knock on the door. The woman talked at her while she smiled unenthusiastically and slouched in her chair. She said what the woman wanted to hear, knowing better than to mention the whispers from the shadows, or the large dog that stalked her in her dreams on the rare occasion that she actually slept. She may be crazy, but she’s not stupid; those things would surely send her straight back there. She didn’t want to be that much of a failure.

Even as the woman’s shadow started shifting about, her mask of normalcy never slipped. She watched as it changed shape, taking that familiar canine form. As the woman stopped at the front door the shadow-dog grinned at her, showing her all his pointed teeth; his mouth stretched wide, taking up more of his face than should be possible.

It was only once the door was closed that she started hyperventilating. She sank into the lounge, trying to control the panic that was taking over her body. Finally breathing normally she reached over to the phone and dialled the woman’s work. The first three ‘helpers’ had ended badly, but maybe the fourth would actually help this time.

Murder on the Dancefloor

2008-10-14T22:36:00.001+11:00

She extracted herself from the middle of the tangled mass of bodies, clothes strangely unruffled, and made her way across the room. Her hips swayed as she stalked through the people, keeping time with the beat of the music. His frown deepened as he watched every male follow her with their gaze as she walked past. Hell, their eyes were practically being dragged from their sockets out of sheer eagerness. He sighed impatiently as she smirked at the attention she was getting; she was going to be the death of him, he could tell. She stopped in front of him with her hand on her waist, the grin still on her face. He stayed where he was, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed against his chest. She cocked her head to one side and leant forward a little, making her black hair fall over one shoulder, feigning coyness.

“Why aren’t you dancing, Nate?” She asked innocently, not raising her voice over the noise as everyone else did. “Don’t you like the music?” His muttered curse caused her to smile wider, baring her teeth menacingly. “If you don’t like this scene, then why don’t you just leave already? I don’t need a babysitter.” Nate looked at her properly, glaring at her face rather than the floor, but stayed exactly where he was.

“Until you learn to be a bit more subtle I have to make sure you don’t blow our cover.” Nate growled. “So either stop being so reckless or deal with it, Andrea.” Her eyes tightened at his reply for a moment before her bravado returned. His eyes went back to the floor. “Hurry up and get something to eat already; you’re not the only hungry one here.” He grumbled, causing her to bark out a laugh.

“Oh come on, are you telling me you’re not drooling over those girls there? They are basically naked and shaking everything they can.” Andrea shook her hips like they did, sliding up closer to him in an attempt to get him to loosen up already. When she still didn’t move, she looked up at his face, a slight pleading in her features. ” You could have anyone here; let me have my fun.” Nate wrinkled his nose at the thought.

“Take them, with all the pills they’ve put in their systems? If I wanted the taste of chemicals in my mouth I’d drink a bottle of bleach.” He looked around impatiently and saw someone making their way over to the pair. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, wondering what else could try and make his night even worse that it already was. The man puffed out his chest as he asked Andrea if there was any problem, trying to make up for the fact that he was six inches shorter than her. Andrea had the act down perfectly, twirling her hair and batting her eyelashes; complaining that Nate was no fun, and she just wanted to dance. The pout was a nice touch; no man could resist her when she pouted those lips. The fool offered to dance with her immediately, just as she had intended. As they walked back across the room Andrea looked back at Nate, unimpressed at her meal. From the look of him it would be greasy and leave her hungry again in half an hour; typical fast food. This time the grin was on his face as she walked off, hopefully to find a dark secluded corner to eat this time.

Redivivus

2008-09-23T18:10:00.001+10:00

He was there when I woke; looking down at me huddled in the corner, his hands in his pockets. A small sigh escaped his lips as I tried to push myself further into the corner; trying to make myself as small as possible.

He crouched down so he was closer to my level and with his hand under my chin he forced me to look at him properly. “Are you hungry?” He asked simply, not letting go as I winced at his voice making the pounding behind my eyes worse. He stood, not waiting for a reply, and walked to the door, waiting as I clumsily followed him.

We walked down an old shabby hallway. There was something wrong with my eyes; the colours were too bright and the details too clear. I stumbled along with my eyes half closed, trying to make sense of what I was seeing. He waited patiently whenever I got distracted by the print of the ragged wallpaper, or the pattern that somehow appeared in the cracked paint on the walls. It was a slow process, but we finally stopped in front of a door. It was no different to all the others we had walked past, but for some reason I knew that I wanted whatever was behind it. I started fidgeting as we stood there, not noticing him place a shackle on my wrist or the chain that led from it to his hand. All I could focus on was the pull I was feeling.

He opened the door casually, the chain stopping me short as I rushed in ahead of him. I struggled against my restraints, my instincts stopping me from thinking clearly. The sound of him clearing his throat made my head throb again, bringing my back to my senses. I spun back to face him, annoyed as he stood there so calmly; stopping me so easily from getting to the food. He had his hands in his pockets again.

He pointed across the room, ignoring me as I strained against the chain. “I caught him especially for you.” He stated, and I looked where he pointed, where I wanted to go.

The man was tied to a chair with his mouth taped over, his eyes wide and unblinking. I could hear his heart beating erratically and see his chest heaving in fear. The urge to go over there intensified. I looked back at my captor and silently pleaded to him. “Do you smell his fear?” He asked, watching me closely. I closed my eyes and groaned with longing as the metallic tang filled my head. I moved as close as I could to the tied up man, the chain stretching taut, but I was still infuriatingly far away.

“Do you want him?” Asked the voice from behind me. The ‘yes’ hissed from between my gritted teeth, making the man’s eyes widen further and his heart beat faster, pumping out adrenaline and making him smell even more delicious. I growled in frustration and scowled at the man holding me back. He raised an eyebrow at me, unfazed by my anger.

“Well go get him then.” He dropped the chain and I was there in an instant. He watched as I devoured my meal, unperturbed by the muffled screams. I drank him dry, feeding long after his heart has stopped beating, until I started sucking air. I was dully reminded of the feeling of annoyance when you finish a drink too suddenly and your throat is still scratchy and dry. I looked at the body of the man I had killed, searching for the blood I could still smell, eventually realising that it was all over me. I wiped the blood off my chin and licked it off my fingers, crouching next to the knocked over chair, eyes darting around for something else to eat. Slowly the urge to kill anything near me lessened, though the back of my throat still burned. I noticed the corpse's eyes were staring blankly into space, which made me laugh. I stood, straightening my bloodstained dress the best I could and looked around for the man who had brought me here.

The room was empty except for me. An impatient sigh huffed out of me and I stalked towards the door, gathering up the chain so it didn't make so much goddamn noise. I threw open the door, ready to storm off until I found the man, but he was leaning again the wall in the hallway, obviously waiting for me to finish. A smile tugged at his face as I stopped abruptly, making me sniff with disdain. He pushed himself off the wall and stood properly, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Are you ready for more where that came from?" He asked, and my slow smile echoed his.

"Definitely."

Immolation

2008-08-18T22:40:00.003+10:00

He wasn’t sure how long she’d had it, the gaping hole in her chest; the edges were puckered and uneven, framing the view into the black space in her chest where her heart should normally reside. It was obviously an old wound, but even though the question pricked at the edges of his mind, he knew not to mention it. She never told anyone about it, covering her chest and pretending everything was normal; he was amazed he had seen it at all. But for all her acting he could still tell that it hurt her. She tried to cover it up, but the little flinches and winces that others didn’t notice were all too obvious to him.

Nights were the worst. When she was asleep she couldn’t control her reactions, and her whimpering was almost too much for him to bear. He would sit, watching her sleep, and try and work out a way to help her. He couldn’t just let her keep living this way; she deserved more. She deserved to be happy. So he considered his options, unable to sleep, until finally he came up with the perfect idea and newly energised, he went about preparing everything. Of course she had no clue what was going on, but that was kind of the point. It had to be secret, otherwise he knew she would protest and the gift would be ruined.

She woke, confused, in the middle of the night and wondered what had caused her to stir. That was when she saw him. His hands were resting in his lap, the knife held loosely there. The tears running down his face dripped onto the stained sheets, mingling with the blood seeping from the cut on his chest. He looked into her eyes helplessly and almost pleaded to her.

“I just wanted to help…” he gulped, shuddering as he sobbed. She bundled him up in her arms, his blood soaking into her nightgown, and murmured reassurances into his hair. “I tried, but I couldn’t do it. It just hurt too much…” The insistent explanation was muffled against her shoulder, but she understood that he had to tell her.

Using the ruined sheet she cleaned up the worst of the mess on his chest and kissed the tears from his face. He latched himself onto her and as she rocked him, still whispering comforting words, he finally slept.

Desiderata

2008-08-17T21:53:00.001+10:00

I always wanted to be on the television. When I was little I would dress up, wearing my mother’s clothes and make-up, singing into the hairbrush along with the popstars smiling out at me. Once I even took the TV apart to work out how the people got in there. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to put it back together. As a teenager I would watch my soaps, like a little old lady, adamant I could do a better job of acting than those on screen. I would perform to the bathroom mirror and reassure myself I was made to be on TV.

After they finally caught me I embraced the role. My lawyer said I needed to act innocent to increase my chances at trial, so I did. Oh, how I acted the part! It was my only chance to fulfil my dream; I wasn’t going to let it go without showing my full potential. As we walked out of the courthouse the media swarmed around us, pressing in from every side, slowing our progress to a crawl. I shone; I really did. I smiled broadly and gave them my best star expression.

Of course they found me guilty; we all knew it was going to happen. “Showed no remorse” was what was said. So now I am locked up in this room, away from the rest of them, and only you for company. Can you even see me, all the way up there in the corner of the ceiling? I know you can see me, that’s your purpose. Dear little camera, keeping an eye on me.

I always wanted to be on the television…

Penitence

2008-07-25T16:55:00.002+10:00

All morning Bryce had been practicing what he was going to say to Yvie, hoping that if he repeated the words to himself enough that when the time came to actually say something they would all blurt out before he had a chance to stop himself. It was a sound idea, although his constant muttering had made him look slightly mad. This also wasn’t helped by his fashion sense; a ratty collection of second hand clothes coupled with his crazy mop of hair curling out haphazardly from under his hat didn’t make the most respectful looking of characters.

He made it all the way to the table where she was sitting, no longer muttering, but still repeating his speech in his head. He pulled off his beanie, trying his best to flatten down his hair and failing miserably, before he finally looked at Yvie properly. As soon as he saw her smile all the words he had so lovingly memorised fell out of the bottom of his brain and he was struck dumb, automatically sitting down opposite her. A concerned frown creased her forehead, the smile still lingering on her face, as she pushed over a coffee she had already ordered for him. He almost took a sip, resting the cup against his lips and looking down at the table, debating as to whether he should go through with it.

A small sigh escaped his lips as he put down the drink and reached into his coat pocket. Pulling out a fistful of flotsam, he sorted through the pencils and scraps of paper until he found what he was looking for. He passed her an old silver locket on a long slippery chain, closing her hand around it before standing and putting his hat back on. With a small kiss on her forehead he walked out of the café, a small pile of change from his pocket next to the full cup of coffee.

Yvie watched him go silently, confused at the whole situation. After he was no longer in sight she opened the locket to look inside. Instead of the two photos that normally reside in such things there where two small pieces of paper with words on them. She read the words softly to herself, finally understanding.

“I’m. Sorry.”

Insomnolence

2008-04-16T21:29:00.002+10:00

She looked blearily at her surroundings, vaguely recognising it as the local café. She came here every morning, so even when she hadn’t slept for three days she went through the motions of her routine. Luckily the staff knew her order; it was doubtful she would be able to form coherent sentences at this point in time.

In an attempt to look less like a homeless person she struggled to tie her hair back from her face. After four failed tries she gave up, leaving it to fan out around her face; it was sticking out all over the place, made even more unruly than usual from running her fingers through it in frustration.

Her forehead hit the table with a small thump, a soft groan escaping her lips as she cursed the sunlight that was shining so cheerfully down on her. She had so much to do, but all she could think of was how tired she was.

The waiter brought over her coffee and with a small sigh she drank it, even though caffeine was the last thing she needed right now.

Consolation

2008-03-31T20:31:00.000+11:00

She wouldn’t meet his eyes; looking down at her hands instead. He attempted to fill the silence, chattering incessantly about nothing in the hopes she would at least crack a smile.
He bundled her up in his arms as she burst into tears, wishing he could do more for her than just holding her close.

Nostalgia

2008-03-30T22:11:00.001+11:00

She was in the middle of cooking dinner when she noticed a smell wafting past. She felt his arms wrap around her, his lips press softly against her neck.
Turning around, she hoped he would really be there this time. However the kitchen was still empty, so with a sinking heart she returned to cooking.

Cognizance

2008-03-27T20:51:00.003+11:00

You should not sit there and fume, my dear; it will do you no good. You are taking up the rest of the room; your anger is taking up every bit of air here. I have to make myself as small as possible just so I can breathe.

Please don’t yell, my love; I am not the one who angered you so. At the moment you could knock everything down within your reach. It is almost as if you need to break something to fix your own breaks. Hurt something to heal your wounds.

I wish I knew what I could do to calm you down, my sweet. If only I was able to do something other than hide myself away, then perhaps this would not happen. Maybe if I was able to find the words to explain, but instead my words dry up as soon as I see the ice in your eyes and feel the heat in your actions.

What happened to the man I knew, my darling? Where has the man who made me smile gone? The man who I would stay up all night with, just because I couldn’t bear to spend any time without being able to see you face. I remember the times we danced together, moving in time as if we knew what each other was thinking. Now the distance between us has made it impossible to get into your head. Instead I dance by myself when you are not here; a pathetic imitation of the past.

Was it all a lie, my dearest? Was it just a charade to keep me close, until Stockholm Syndrome took hold and I never left? Has every move you have made with me been cleverly planned to cover your true self? What a hollow life to lead.

What would you do if I escaped from here, my boy? How would you deal without me to clean your messes? Who will fix what you break? If I am not there you will have no one to blame other than yourself. Maybe then you will understand the consequences of your actions. Is that what it will take?

Don’t talk to me, my dear; it won’t change a thing. Your hollow apologies won’t work this time. Words aren’t enough any more, and you don’t have it in you to change, even if you say you will. You have said enough; I don’t want to hear your voice any more.

When did you get so small, so pathetic? Pleading for my forgiveness on your knees, tears on your face, when did you become so weak? When all your anger is spent and you crawl to me, whispering excuses, you don’t realise how sad you look. You would try and buy your way out of your guilt, but it is too late. There is nothing left for us. Nothing left to do but leave.

Emotion - Fiction

2008-03-13T18:58:00.002+11:00

“We’ll meet at the corner of Clarke and Taylor St and about two o’clock.” He had said. Laura knew he had said this, because she had written it down. She had even double-checked the street names, so this was most definitely the place. She checked her watch again, anxiously hoping that the time had changed since she had last looked. 2:02pm. Still. Berating herself for getting there early she sat down at one of the café’s tables and ordered an orange juice, in the hopes that having something to focus on wouldn’t make the time drag so much.

2:04pm. She looked around at the other tables, all full of strangers going about with their lives, not worrying over anything. It was as if there was a bubble around her; everyone else’s chatter and relaxation never quite making it to her. Instead she sat there, alone, pretending to look at the menu in front of her. Sneakily checking the time again; 2:05pm. The jiggling of her foot caused the table to shake, the slight rattling noise coupled with the clinking of the ice in her glass helped to fill the silence.

The tightness in her chest grew as the minutes meandered by at a pace not helpful to Laura’s state of mind. 2:06pm.

Emotion

2008-03-13T18:37:00.005+11:00

There is a sense of expectation that occurs when a storm is brewing. Throughout the day the pressure builds, the temperature getting hotter and hotter, so stifling that you can’t bear trying to move; the effort of trying to fight against that invisible weight on you is too much. But then the pressure drops. Winds pick up, blowing away the heat and cooling things down, and clouds fill the sky. Not the happy fluffy white clouds you can see things in, but those dark grey clouds, the ones that block out any hint of blue sky. The ones that seem to take any wisps of normal clouds and consume them, taking over.

Electrical storms are an amazing experience. Exciting. Exhilarating. They make me want to try and touch the sky; to become part of this amazing thing.

As soon as the pressure drops and the humidity isn’t taking away any energy I have, there is almost a sense of suspense in the air. I could be walking down the street when all of a sudden I notice that smell that arrives out of nowhere when it is about to rain. The combination of tar from the roads, any moisture in the air, and it’s almost as if you are breathing in the atmosphere itself. There is a heaviness to the smell, all those different components – impossible to name them all – fill up my head. No matter how long it has been between storms, whenever I smell that scent I know exactly what it means.

Revelation

2008-03-02T22:47:00.000+11:00

Every time she told him about her life, she could feel a bit of her self being lost into the ether. She was beginning to wisp away, her colour fading off at the edges; no longer having a solid image of herself.
It would hurt, too. The ripping sensation would throb for hours afterwards, leaving an ache where her memories used to be. And yet she continued, becoming less substantial with every confession, to tell him her secrets.

A Fish, A Flowerbed, A Racecar

2008-01-14T18:35:00.000+11:00

It was a brilliant idea in theory, no one could deny that. Raise the car out of the water and after it’s dried out and working again, drive it out of this place. They said it couldn’t be done; called him mad, but he proved them all wrong, didn’t he? The sense of pride he felt, seeing that racecar in all its glory, his ticket to freedom, was overwhelming.

Of course he failed to take into consideration all the consequences of his actions. As he lay there, gasping at the air amongst the flowers, his last thoughts turned to that one piece of information he had forgotten about. The fact that would have shown that his whole plan was doomed to fail.

His tail gave one last feeble wiggle, his fin reached towards the small pond and he breathlessly called out to his friends, though they couldn’t hear him.

“Water…”

A Boat, The Desert, The Moon

2007-12-22T21:40:00.000+11:00

The ship sped along under the bright sun. The captain stood at the bow, shielding his eyes from the glare with his hand, and watched the horizon, with sand spraying up to hit the crew members' faces. One sailor frowned at this inconvenience and stopped what he was doing to look over the side of the boat.

"Cap'n, why are we in the desert?" He asked the figure standing near him proudly. The captain looked at his crewman as if he was an idiot.

"I get seasick." He replied bluntly. "Why would I want to be on water?"

"But boats can't sail on sand! We have to be on water, seasickness or not!" The captain looked over at the rest of his crew, who were watching apprehensively.

"Does anyone else think this 'water' is a good idea?" He called out, making them all look busy and not make eye contact. One sailor shuffled on the spot, looking uncomfortable. The captain pointed at him in a way that clearly meant he was supposed to talk.

"I...I don't want to be on the water." he muttered nervously. "I can't swim." The captain laughed and turned to the troublemaking sailor.

"There we go, you're outvoted. Besides, I'm the captain, so what I say goes!" He proclaimed. The sailor scowled and crossed his arms, sulking.

"You're always the captain. Why can't one of us be in charge?" He asked gruffly. The captain stood a little straighter and looked at his subordinate smugly.

"I'm the captain because I'm the oldest. When you're the oldest, you can be captain." The sailor pouted and slouched angrily. He was about to argue when a voice called out from the desert.

"Hey guys, can I play too?" The three men stood at the edge of the deck and peered out into the sand, only to see a small girl standing there. They looked at each other in confusion before turning back to the figure. The captain was the first to pipe up.

"We're not playing, Ellie Moon, we're sailors!" The other two nodded in unison at the captain's words, much to the girl's annoyance. "And girl's can't be sailors, so there!"

"Yeah, go away, Ellie Moon!" The shy sailor cried out, sticking his tongue out and squinting his eyes. Ellie scowled and jammed her hands fiercely on her hips.

"Fine! I didn't want to try and squish in that box with you three anyway!" She yelled and stormed off.

The three little boys looked at each other in confusion. Couldn't she see that they were mighty sailors in a fancy ship? The tallest boy held up his stick and yelled out, looking into the distance.

"Oh no, pirates! Come on lads, lets give them a fight they'll remember!" The three men turned their backs on the sand and faced the people climbing onto their boat, yelling war cries in the hopes their enemies would run away.

Revenant

2007-12-04T23:41:00.000+11:00

I never really understood what was so wonderful about girls. I knew (through my two older sisters) how false and backstabbing they could be, and couldn’t really see why all the guys my age lusted over them so much. It didn’t really make sense, they were always complaining about each other while pretending to be friendly. How is that attractive?

Of course, this all changed when she showed up. Sure, that’s a clichéd thing to say, but it’s true. Every day I went to school and people ignored me. They wouldn’t stop when I called out to them; wouldn’t look at me; never talked to me. They would always barge past me (or sometimes through me, it would feel like), ignoring me as my books scattered everywhere and I scrambled to pick them up before they got ruined by the masses of people trudging listlessly through the halls.

Now she wouldn’t talk to me either, but she acknowledged my existence. It may have just been a quick glance as she passes, or subtly stepping around me so as not to bump into me. It was little things, but enough to win my heart a thousand times over.

We actually had a conversation one day. She had skipped a class, while I had a free period, and she came and sat next to me. I asked her why she was the only one who noticed me around here. Her reply? A small shrug as she looked up at the sky. Frustrated, I pressed the issue, claiming that everyone else seemed to act as if I didn’t even exist. Her reaction has stuck with me ever since.

She finally turned to face me properly and smiled, her eyes crinkling at the edges. “Of course they don’t notice you,” She stated, slightly confused, “you don’t exist.” With a giggle she reached out to touch me, her hand going straight through my torso.

I never spoke to her again. She stopped looking at me as she walked past. I watched as she went about her business; I even attended her graduation, standing up the back of the hall as she accepted her certificates. I like to think she noticed me there, but I doubt it. There are times, normally when I have been bumped into again, when I wonder what she is doing. But still, that was a lifetime ago. More than a lifetime, probably; the days seem to blend together after a while, especially since I have nothing to look forward to any more.

Peripatetic

2007-12-03T19:21:00.000+11:00

He walked. He wasn’t sure what caused him to do this, and had forgotten when he started. Still, he walked.
There was no destination, no time limit, no goal. He just walked. People thought he was mad, thought he was a genius, thought he was making a statement, followed in his wake.
And he walked.

Behemoth

2007-11-26T10:47:00.000+11:00

They shied away from strangers, preferring to hide up in the trees, watching as things passed by; the sun filtering through the leaves to shine on their soft pink fur. It was an extraordinary achievement to see one of them in the flesh. Many had tried, though few had succeeded.
The meringueutan, a gentle giant.

Procrastination

2007-11-21T18:39:00.000+11:00

He stopped at the doorway; eyes wide, mouth agape. She looked up from where she was sitting in the middle of the floor, grinning largely. Neither of them moved.
He finally motioned at the dominoes arranged elaborately around her, making her smile sheepishly, stuck where she was.
“I had some spare time on my hands…”

Exaltation

2007-11-15T19:20:00.000+11:00

He stayed curled up in the corner, hidden behind some boxes. Little did his father know that when he went to ‘play football’ every Friday he was actually going and listening to the local choir practice.
Out of sight he quietly joined in, his voice mingling with those already sending their praise to the sky.

Two Parts Of A Whole

2007-11-12T21:22:00.000+11:00

Everyone looked as she entered the room, their eyes following her as she walked over to the bar and talked with the barman happily, who pointed across the room. She turned to see a man walking purposefully across the room and smiled broadly. As they walked off, their matching tattoos joined at their clasped hands.

Wild World

2007-11-11T20:14:00.000+11:00

The nurse walked over to the window where a young man was sitting, curled up in a nearby chair and looking out at the garden wistfully. She cheerfully greeted him as she handed over a small cup of pills and some water.

“Good morning Andrew!” She chirped, getting a mumbled answer from the man as she continued to look at the window. She stood in his line of vision and pointed at the window. “It’s a beautiful day today; would you like to join me outside?”

She was able to coax him to the door. He stood on the verge of the doorway, just inside the building, as she waited on the step, her hand outstretched. There was a fierce look of determination on his face, but he was unable to take that first step outside; instead rushing back inside and curling up in a dark corner. The nurse followed slowly, crouching next to him as he rocked back and forth.

“Sorry Jen.” He murmured into his knees. She rubbed his back, smiling sadly.

“It’s alright; we’ll try again another time.”

Star Star

2007-11-07T20:56:00.000+11:00

She stood on the stage in front of thousands of people, hand lightly resting on the microphone stand, a smile on her lips. Tears slid down her face and she was overcome by emotion as all the audience sang her song for her.
It was now that she knew that her life was worth living.

Night Terrors

2007-11-05T20:06:00.000+11:00

Her eyes were wide with terror as she grabbed at the nurse’s uniform. She struggled to explain that this time it was different, that it wasn’t safe for her to be left alone.

The nurse frowned and tried to convince her that there was nothing there, but promised to check on her during the night, just in case. She watched as her protector abandoned her and stared at the door, hoping it would reopen, until a voice grabbed her attention.

“I told you she would leave.” It growled. She pressed herself into the corner, trying to put as much distance between her and the large wolf in her room as possible. It grinned and languidly made its way over to her. “Now you have nowhere to run and hide.”

She curled into a ball and pulled at her hair, screaming silently.

Down Some More

2007-11-03T19:43:00.000+11:00

She stopped abruptly mid-sentence, mid-speech, and frowned slightly at the back wall. For some inexplicable reason she felt a familiar twinge in her chest, which could only mean one thing. Much to the confusion of the other people in the room she walked out the door and calmly made her way to the entrance of the building, getting there just in time to see him saunter through the front door.

It took all of her self-restraint, but she stayed where she was, arms crossed and serious look on her face. He stopped when he saw her, his smile faltering when she didn’t move. She slowly looked him over, a disapproving look on her face, and watched him squirm for a while before eventually giving in.

“So you finally made it down here.” She stated bluntly. At last a smile teased at her lips. “You took your sweet time, didn’t you?”

His grin returned in full force.

All The Way Down

2007-11-01T22:13:00.000+11:00

He sped down the highway, windows down, wind blowing through his hair. The music was blaring, the cigarette barely staying in place as he sang along enthusiastically. Speed limits were dutifully ignored.
He knew where he was going to end up, and he intended to hit it straight on, getting there on his own terms.

Floating

2007-10-31T22:24:00.000+11:00

She was a mystery in human form. He realised he didn’t know a thing about her, but she seemed to be there when he needed help, even when he didn’t realise it. Yet any time he tried to catch her, she was just out of his reach.
Instead all he could grasp were lone feathers.

Silence

2007-10-30T21:24:00.000+11:00

It had been two months already. Two months of her parents pretending nothing was wrong, two months of her friends asking when she would grow up and snap out of it. She had given up speaking one day, filling notebook upon notebook with her untidy scrawl instead.
Even she had forgotten what she sounded like.

Food Fight

2007-10-29T19:54:00.000+11:00

“If you eat any more of this food before it’s ready I swear you will live to regret it.” She waved the large knife threateningly.
He touched his black eye tenderly and tried to come up with an excuse which wasn’t actually the truth. He doubted anyone would believe she threw that onion at him.

Solitude

2007-10-28T20:34:00.000+11:00

Shafts of sunlight shone through the window, illuminating the dust floating in the air. The sheets covering the furniture were faded from misuse, their patterns faintly visible. Even the spiders had abandoned the room, leaving their empty webs hanging desolately from the ceiling. The air hummed expectantly, though no one was there to hear it.

Environmentally Friendly

2007-10-25T21:57:00.000+10:00

The pot plants were placed throughout the house, in no particular order. Every time he moved one after stubbing his toe she would yell and return it. Arguments occurred and the plants would stay where they were. The first heavy rain came and she sat back, smug, as the leaks in the ceiling dripped slowly.

Misunderstandings

2007-10-24T22:18:00.000+10:00

He hated this time of the year. There are always so many people wandering around; making noise, causing trouble. The third time in twenty minutes there was a knock on the door and he finally had enough. Opening the door he showed his true nature.
The children giggled at his “costume”, hands outstretched for sweets.

Predator

2007-10-23T21:32:00.000+10:00

Her eyes widened, and though she was trying to hide it, he could smell her fear from across the room. He loved it when they were scared; they tasted so much sweeter. He moved over to her, too fast for her to see, and murmured into her smooth neck.
“This is really going to hurt.”

Lifeline

2007-10-17T21:54:00.000+10:00

It seemed like such a great idea at the time. Now, with the lady coming towards her holding a large needle, she was having second thoughts. She suppressed her urge to bolt out of the building and shut her eyes tightly, grabbing the closest hand and squeezing it instead. After a painful jab in the arm and some muttered words by the lady (which she didn’t pay attention to), she finally opened her eyes and looked at the person sitting next to her.

He smiled at her reassuringly, seemingly unfazed by a complete stranger clutching him as if he was their last hope. She answered with her own tentative smile, trying not to focus on the tube coming out of his other arm. A small squeeze of her hand brought her attention back to his face, which was looking concerned.

“First time?” He asked quietly. She nodded, afraid to try and speak. “Don’t worry; you get juice and biscuits when it’s over.” He nodded at another lady as she removed the tube before turning back to her and looking down at their clasped hands. “But I’ll stay as long as you need me, too.”

Pyromaniac

2007-10-16T21:22:00.000+10:00

A group of them stood at the side of the road, watching intently as the house burned. Firemen darted about the flames, looking so helpless against the growing blaze. Muttered conversations between the adults, sharing speculations as to how it started. She watched, enthralled, as her mother held her close. Captivated by its destructive beauty.

Nanna

2007-10-15T20:55:00.000+10:00

I can just imagine him doddering about, hanging plants in handmade macramé pot holders. Wrapped up in his crocheted blankie having a cup of tea while watching his soaps. Able to rattle off the storyline from the past week.
He'd be a good nanna, except for the part where he is not an old lady.

Rocky Raccoon

2007-10-14T21:47:00.000+10:00

She never understood Jessica. When she was that age she was still playing with dolls and dressing up as princesses. She would have been making daisy chains on a day like today.
She watched as her daughter disassembled an old radio and examined the pieces before putting it back together; wondering where she went wrong.

Family Love

2007-10-13T20:41:00.000+10:00

People smiled as she walked past, singing at the top of her lungs and dancing to music only she could hear. Halfway through a song she turned to the person next to her and held out the invisible microphone. He sighed and shook his head.

“I can’t believe I’m actually related to you.” He grumbled.

Playground

2007-10-12T22:27:00.000+10:00

Not much had changed since she had been there last. In the five years she’d been away, everything had gotten shabbier and rustier, but essentially was the same; albeit with more graffiti. She wandered about with her childhood memories, amazed at how small everything had gotten. Reminiscing, she sat on those old swings for hours.

Good Boy

2007-10-11T22:24:00.000+10:00

He didn’t understand why she left him every morning. Didn’t she want him to be with her? Sure he’d had a few accidents on the carpet, but that wasn’t really his fault! Maybe today was the day she didn’t come back home.
He sat at the front gate, waiting to greet her when she returned.

Intrigue

2007-10-10T23:29:00.000+10:00

She wasn’t sure where they came from, but every day, without fail, there was a line of footprints on the beach nearby. Every day she would follow them, stepping within the print so there was only the single trail in the sand. Each day hoping to find their owner at the end of the path.

Solace

2007-10-10T23:27:00.000+10:00

Every morning he would walk along the empty beach, his footprints breaking the sand washed smooth by the tides. He would wander as the sun rose, taking his time as he went past familiar scenery; the only time in the day he could relax.
The only time to be alone and focus on simple beauty.

When You Go

2007-10-09T22:45:00.000+10:00

She curled up in the armchair, watching him solemnly as he packed his suitcase. Neither of them spoke as he walked through the house, collecting his possessions, meticulously sorting them. He stopped at the front door when her voice came from across the room.

“Don’t forget to take my heart with you when you go.”

Excitement

2007-10-09T19:59:00.000+10:00

He watched her intently as they walked down the street.
Her eyes were bright, her mouth grinning broadly as she gushed over what she had seen. Her hands seemed to have a mind of their own, emphasising what she was saying while creating images at the same time.
She was more beautiful than ever before.

Mimic

2007-10-08T23:14:00.000+10:00

He waved the nurse over as she did her rounds, not noticing her sigh quietly.
"Can you tell that guy to stop copying me?" He asked, pointing across the room. "It upsets me, you know. I'm special." She followed his finger, looking where he pointed.
"Give me strength." She muttered. "Jeremy, it's just your reflection."

Mary

2007-10-07T18:46:00.000+10:00

She was a mature, successful businesswoman, making men quake when she entered the boardroom. She was the one they sent to meet with rival companies, because she was the most intimidating person around. That was what she did best.

Alone in the hotel room, she kicked off her shoes and jumped on the bed, giggling.

Saved

2007-10-06T18:34:00.000+10:00

He dropped to his knees, clasping his hands in front of his face. He prayed for assistance; begging, pleading for God to help him. Wishing, hoping for a sign to show his words had been heard and acknowledged by Him. The Devil appeared before him, a cigarette in his hand.
"God's busy; can I help?"

Mystery

2007-10-05T18:18:00.000+10:00

There was a noise from the other room. He dropped everything; rushing to see what was going on. He knew he was supposed to be alone there.
She ran out the front door before he could reach her. A quick check showed nothing was missing.
The note on the desk had his name on it.

Nutjob

2007-10-04T22:14:00.000+10:00

"I don't need those," He complained, "I'm obviously the sanest person here!" He pointed across the room. "Look, that guy thinks he's an evil genius, why don't you go pester him?"
"That's Dr Matthews, Jeremy." She replied wearily, holding out a cup of pills. "He's supposed to wear the labcoat."
He looked at her; confused.

Sunrise

2007-10-03T18:24:00.000+10:00

He was always so cheerful in the mornings; it had been the cause of many an argument between them.
But he seemed to understand today, happy not to make a sound. Today they sat in silence, watching the sun rise as she fell asleep in his arms. He kissed her head and held her close.

Secrets

2007-10-02T16:30:00.001+10:00

“This can’t go on.” She looked down at her hands, trying to avoid his gaze. “I can’t keep sneaking around. It’s doing my head in!” In a moment of weakness she looked at him, getting distracted by his innocent expression. He rubbed his head against her knee, and she patted him absently.
“Damn manipulative cat…”

Miserere

2007-10-02T15:37:00.000+10:00

The clouds blocked out the sun and filled the sky, making everything grey. She sat on her front step and tried ignoring out the yelling from inside.
As the first drops hit her already wet face, she smiled and raised her face to the sky. The rain washed away her tears, letting her start afresh.

Baby

2007-10-01T20:03:00.001+10:00

Waiting was the hardest part of the situation. The time dragged, worst case scenarios running through her head; waiting for the phone to ring and tell her the bad news.
Finally the door opened. She rushed over and hugged him, only to be pushed away roughly.

“Mum, I was just going to the shops. Geez…”

Rabble

2007-10-01T16:23:00.000+10:00

They walked as one; blocking streets, stopping traffic, causing a scene and enjoying themselves immensely in the process. Complete strangers became friends and allies, working (and walking) towards a common goal.The more they walked, the more people noticed, some even joining in.

To some it was pointless, but the people who mattered were there.

Applesauce

2007-09-30T18:51:00.000+10:00

He lurched back in surprise, tasting blood in his mouth. The pain throbbed through his drunken haze, causing him to focus properly on the two people in front of him; the smirking man and his scowling girlfriend.

“I told you to get your hands off her.” The guy muttered. “She’s got a mean right hook.”

Beauty

2007-09-29T18:46:00.000+10:00

Red, blue, yellow. The colours mix together to make new ones, all of them slightly different. The patterns swirled and spread, incorporating parts to link it all together and form a whole idea. Each person added something different; something distinctively individual, putting their hearts and souls into it.
The greatest artwork never to be seen.

Holidays

2007-09-29T18:04:00.000+10:00

The house was empty; the lights turned off, the doors and windows closed. Already there was a thin layer on dust over everything. She wandered through the silence, looking for any indication of what happened. Finally, she saw the note stuck to the fridge with a large magnet.

‘Gone surfing; tell the world I’m out.”

From The Mouths Of Babes

2007-09-28T20:42:00.000+10:00

He looked at his daughter carrying out a one-sided conversation animatedly. With a wistful smile he realised that she must have her first invisible friend.
He remembered his first imaginary friend fondly, walking over to her and asking who she was talking to. She frowned at him, seemingly confused at his question.

“God, of course.”

Heartbreak

2007-09-28T14:03:00.000+10:00

“No really, he’s changed. He means it this time.”
Brett frowned at his friend’s words, thankful she couldn’t see him through the phone. This wasn’t the first time she’d said that, and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last. Each time it happened his heart broke again.
“Come tomorrow, I’ll be watching you cry.”

Watcher

2007-09-27T23:44:00.000+10:00

He never noticed that she was always there when he needed her. Her words were dismissed as the wind blowing through the trees; her touch never acknowledged.
Yet she never left his side, whispering sweet nothings even though he couldn't hear her, making faces though he couldn't see her.

He'd moved on, leaving her behind.

Speechless

2007-09-27T23:17:00.000+10:00

Their conversation trailed off into silence, the girl awkwardly fiddling with her bracelet. The longer neither of them said anything, the more nervous she was; screaming “Say something, you stupid idiot!” in her head. The boy watched her without her knowing, until his voice finally broke through her shell.

“You are too beautiful for words.”